A Public Declaration

A PUBLIC DECLARATION

On Sunday morning I woke up super pumped to go to church and hear a sermon that resonated with me so much like last weeks did. Instead, I found myself spiritually dry. I couldn’t connect. At some point I was engaged, but then I lost all focus of what the pastor was saying and his words just echoed around the room. I found myself looking at all the older women and wondered who I would be when I am their age. Would I be the woman who sat in the row in front of me by herself? She had a ring on; would I be married at her age? Was she a widow, will I be?

The faint sound of oxygen pumping through a tube came from chairs that lined the wall of overflow behind me. Would I be like that woman? Hooked to an oxygen tank, accompanied by my daughter to Sunday service? A woman a short distance away lay her hands on her husband as he cried, his almost silent sobs caught my attention. Would I one day be like her? One day comforting a man in the house of my Savior? The seats beside them were filled with family that extended their arms to show love and comfort to him. Is this what kind of mother I will be?

My mind wouldn’t stop as I looked through the filled seats all around me at each older lady and decided I knew what she was like, then wondered if I too would be like her too. This went on for almost an hour. The sermon ended and I hadn’t even realized we were closing in prayer until I saw others bowing their heads and praying. I left church Sunday morning feeling defeated. I set my hopes on having another sermon really resonate with me, instead of being in the present moment and listening to what my pastor said, I was lost in a loop of undesirable thought. I was so ‘hopeful’ that I forgot to be intentional and faithful. I was so distracted that I ignored what was right in front of me and searched for my brain to fill in the blanks of what I ‘might’ be like in the future.

This didn’t stop for me on Sunday; I moved through the rest of the day almost on auto pilot, thinking about what my future might look like. But I never gave a thought to my required present action. By Monday, yesterday, the trails of endless thoughts came down to two questions; 1) Why am I so distracted, do I continue this thought pattern and continue to GUESS what the future holds for me? OR 2) Do I WANT to continue to be like this, or can I take action/intention/discipline/faith and REMOVE the distractions?

Unbelievably, I spend more time than I would like to admit searching for these answers, rather than acting on them. I spend more time waiting for someone to come save me, when I have already been saved by Jesus. I spend more time hoping things will change, without initiating the change myself. I spend more time in my head imagining and trying to dictate the outcome of something without living in the present moment, without handing it to God and being faithful in the plans he has for my life. I spend more time in the past, wishing I could take back an action that offered a consequence. I spend more time seeking my validation from how others make me feel, instead of seeing my own worth. It’s sad, but it’s true. I spend more time comparing the cards I have been dealt to the cards ‘played’ in front of me on social media. I spend more time in the ‘what if’ and ‘if only’ than I do in the present moment.

I’m changing that tonight. I take the ladder choice. I’m opening door #2. I’m going to be more present in the moments and time I am blessed with. I’m going to take control of my future with faith and discipline and most importantly, I’m removing distractions. Social media and I have a LOVE/HATE relationship, but it seems to always leave my thoughts confirmed by algorithm and my inadequacies confirmed by comparison. This isn’t living in faith and trusting in God like I so often do. It’s a toxic muscle memory, only a click away, that leaves me looking at my phone and ignoring what’s happening within my sphere. I’m choosing to be present and appreciative without this distraction. Starting tonight, I am detoxing from social media over the next 30 days. I’m moving with intention. No more looking for the perfect mountain bike I can’t afford. No more wishing I was living differently than what God has blessed me with, I’m taking action. It’s MY time to #riseup and be a #kangaroo for my kids and most importantly for myself.

OCTOBER 2025